When someone close to you turns a milestone—like a pregnancy or birth—into a shocking public stunt, it can leave you feeling confused, used, and deeply concerned. This guide helps you stay grounded and protect yourself without confronting them directly.
What's happening?
You are connected to someone who announces or carries out a provocative public event involving a major life milestone (e.g., a baby shower turned into a sexualized public event). They defend it as 'just fun' or 'my body, my choice,' while you feel the event is harmful, exploitative, or unsafe. You may be a family member, friend, or concerned observer.
Step by step
- Observe patterns over time: Notice if this is part of a larger pattern of shock-seeking or using others for attention. Keep a private log of dates, descriptions, and your feelings.
- Document what you see: Save screenshots, recordings, or notes of public statements or events. This helps you see the bigger picture and may be useful if you ever need to involve authorities.
- Seek external support: Talk to a trusted friend, therapist, or support group (e.g., for families dealing with difficult relationships). Do not isolate yourself.
- Define your own boundaries: Decide what you will and will not participate in or witness. For example, you may choose not to attend the event, not to share or comment on it online, and to limit contact during the lead-up.
- Protect vulnerable people: If a child is involved and you believe they are at risk, consider reporting your concerns to child protective services or a similar agency. Frame it as a concern for the child's well-being, not as an attack on the parent.
- Avoid direct confrontation: Do not ask the person to explain or justify their actions. This can feed their need for attention and escalate the situation. Instead, focus on your own safety and boundaries.
Checklist
- I have identified at least one trusted person I can talk to.
- I have recorded key incidents and my observations.
- I have set a clear boundary (e.g., I will not attend the event).
- I have considered whether to report concerns to authorities.
- I have a plan to limit my exposure to the person's content or events.
Frequently asked questions
Should I try to talk to them about how I feel?
Generally, no. Direct conversations with someone who is focused on shock and attention often backfire, giving them more fuel. It's safer to observe, document, and seek support elsewhere.
What if I'm a family member and feel obligated to attend?
You are not obligated to participate in something that violates your values or makes you uncomfortable. You can politely decline, citing a prior commitment or simply saying you're not available. Your well-being matters.
Is it okay to feel angry or disgusted?
Yes, those feelings are natural. The key is to process them in a safe way—through journaling, talking to a therapist, or confiding in a trusted friend—rather than acting on them impulsively.
Christian perspective (optional)
Proverbs 22:6 reminds us to 'train up a child in the way he should go,' which includes protecting them from harmful environments. Ephesians 4:29 calls us to speak only what builds up. In this situation, you can apply these by focusing on the child's well-being and choosing words and actions that are constructive, not reactive.
References: Proverbs 22:6, Ephesians 4:29